


Guzma VS. Salazzle: Round 37

by Drowned_Ophelia



Category: Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 16:16:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11604240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drowned_Ophelia/pseuds/Drowned_Ophelia
Summary: Salazzle is Plumeria's favorite Pokemon that she loves dearly... A sentiment not even remotely shared by anyone else who's met the Pokemon. Many have fallen victims to her mischief, but Guzma in particular seems to suffer from her antics.





	Guzma VS. Salazzle: Round 37

Plumeria released Salazzle from her Ultra Ball, the large lizard taking a moment to stretch before curling up with her trainer. This was truly the life, being pampered and adored, Salazzle happily munching down the Pokebeans Plumeria offered before laying her head across Plumeria’s lap for some pets.

Salazzle was so content that she nearly dozed off, until she saw that it was nearly 1 PM. She got up so abruptly she slightly startled Plumeria, the young woman calling out to her Pokémon as it headed for the door.

“Don’t wander too far today, alright?” Plumeria asked. “That old guy’s probably still mad at you.”

Embarrassment from what had happened earlier that week was still lingering, her cheeks reddening a bit from thinking about it.

The Salazzle gave Plumeria an innocent look. It wasn’t HER fault that Nanu had left his laundry hanging out to dry. She just couldn’t resist yanking it down and rolling in it, somehow winding up with her head stuck in his boxer shorts.

How she’d barely managed to get home from what little she could see out of one of the legs was a miracle. Plumeria had helped her remove it, not even needing to think to realize where she’d gotten the pair of red boxer shorts with a design of cat paw prints on them.

Returning underwear to a cranky man probably in his 50s… That was something Plumeria had never imagined she’s have to go through in her life. He didn’t say much after he snatched them out of her hands and slammed the door shut in her face, but she could tell he was furious.

Down on all fours, Salazzle sauntered out of Plumeria’s room and out into the hall. Once word spread she was out from the first Team Skull member who’d spotted her, the Grunts made sure to keep their distance. Except for Plumeria, no one had fond feelings for this creature. She always seemed to cause trouble and mischief towards anyone she set her sights on.

They didn’t need to worry today. Salazzle had a specific target in mind, making her way down to the first floor of the mansion. She raise her head, tongue flicking out of her mouth to taste the air.  
Cheap aftershave, a hint of perspiration, too much testosterone, bitter disappointment about life, a dash of irritability… It was him! And he was in the kitchen! Salazzle danced excitedly around in place; it was just as she expected.

Guzma had gotten wise to her, so she had to get much craftier. Although it was a beverage almost everyone in Shady House wouldn’t say “no” to, no one loved Tapu Cocoa as much as Guzma… Except for a certain venomous lizard.

The problem was Tapu Cocoa was not made with Pokémon in mind, thus not the best thing to give them, so it was never given voluntarily to Salazzle as a treat. Instead, she had to get crafty and find ways to get her claws on it, Guzma her usual target. After winding up with one foot in the grave when she’d drooled poison into his cup once, unbeknownst to him before he’d taken a drink, Guzma was incredibly cautious with his treasured drink nowadays and she hadn’t gotten a taste of it in weeks.

Anytime she was out now Salazzle had looked for opportunities. She’d noticed on Tuesdays, a bit before 1 PM, Guzma would always make himself a cup before taking it up to his room. Now that she’d confirmed this was a routine she was on her way upstairs to the top floor.

She discovered that Guzma had shut the door upon leaving, but this wasn’t an issue; she’d been training and preparing for this day. Standing on her hind legs, Salazzle awkwardly grasped the doorknob in her hands and managed to turn it, sauntering inside and kicking the door back shut behind her. Perfect. She puffed out her chest in pride as she inwardly praised herself with a smug look on her face, but only for just a moment.

Not wasting anymore time she scampered behind Guzma’s chair to hide and wait. It wouldn’t be long now, but the anticipation was killing her, strings of venom dripping from her mouth as she fantasized about drinking that warm, liquid chocolate. Her heart leapt when she heard the door open and close and the cushion groan under Guzma’s weight when he sat down.  
Silently and cautiously she peered her bug eyes around the chair to see him using the touch pad on his laptop with his left hand to go to his favorite YouTube channel, Bonkers4Bugz, which was updated once a week by a Bug Maniac. In his right he held the handle to her goal, she simply needing the right opportunity to get it now.

After going to full screen and starting the video, Guzma took a sip of the Tapu Cocoa. He couldn’t wait to see what was going on this week. Had the Bug Maniac succeeded in his attempt of hatching a shiny Caterpie? He was already prepared to type a comment of encouragement if he’d failed again. Then, he gave Salazzle her chance, she springing up with “Gimme gimme!" fingers as he set the cup down on the right chair arm, his eyes not leaving the screen.

Her tongue was inside the cup the moment he set it down, drinking up as much as she could. It was still hot! He’d put in whipped cream! And sprinkles! She relished the taste while keeping a close eye on Guzma, withdrawing at once when he reached for it again. It was time to make a getaway.

Guzma raised up his drink, pausing for a moment when he realized it was lighter than when he’d set it back down. He looked inside the cup to see he treat was suddenly half gone. He then brought it up to his nose, sniffing, and detecting a pungent odor. He knew instantly what had happened, but how…?

Guzma head snapped up when he heard the sound of scratching at the door to see Salazzle desperately messing with the doorknob in an attempt to make her escape. Now that it really mattered, she found herself struggling to get a hold of it.

"YOU!” Guzma shouted.

Salazzle paused, swallowing hard as she turned her heard to see Guzma staring at her with pure rage. She smiled sheepishly and batted her eyes at him, letting out an awkward sounding scream when he started to get up.

This time she succeeding in grasping the knob, throwing the door open.

“YOU CAN OPEN DOORS NOW?!” Guzma exclaimed in disbelief.

The Sazzle dashed out of the room, picking up her pace even more when Guzma threw his favorite mug at her without thinking. It was a narrow miss, she turning just in time to avoid the hit. Realizing what he’d done Guzma bellowed in anger before he took off after her.

They’d had confrontations before when Salazzle had been cheeky around Guzma, where she had stood her ground and made him back off, but she knew better this time. She could sense his murderous intent, he confirming it when she heard him threaten to skin her alive.

“I’LL TURN YOU INTO A WALLET, A PAIR OF SHOES, AND A BELT IF THERE’S ANYTHING LEFT!”

Guzma continued his tirade as he gave chase, astounded by how fast the Salazzle could actually move.

Plumeria’s room had never seemed father away. The Salazzle knew she was absolutely dead if she couldn’t make there where she’d be protected. Guzma’s footsteps were pounding behind her; there was no way she’d be able to completely lose him so staying at least ahead of him was her only chance.

A worried thought struck Salazzle that maybe Plumeria wouldn’t be there, so relief coursed through her entire body when she saw that the door was not only open but Plumeria was still inside, adjusting her Poke Doll collection.

“Wh…!” Plumeria was startled when she suddenly felt Salazzle clawing at her pants’ leg frantically, wanting back in her Ultra Ball.

“PLUMES!” they both heard Guzma shout. “IS SHE IN YOUR ROOM?!”

Salazzle got even more desperate, clawing Plumeria to the point where it was getting painful. Without answering Guzma she gave Salazzle a piercing look before she returned the Pokemon and quickly set her Ultra Ball out of sight just as Guzma appeared in her doorway.

“Where the hell is she?” Guzma asked, looking around.

“Who?” Plumeria asked calmly.

“That damn lizard! I saw her come this way!”

“I haven’t seen her for a little while. What happened?” Plumeria listened to Guzma explain what had just occurred minutes ago; it was no wonder that Salazzle was in such a state of panic, but it really was the Pokemon’s fault. She kept doing things like this and a person like Guzma could only take so much. Still, from how red Guzma’s face was, and how hard he was breathing, it was best to let him calm down before her saw her again. “She must be hiding somewhere, then.”

“Dammit!” Guzma was positive this is where she was headed, tearing at his hair in frustration for a moment. He left to continue his search, Plumeria hoping that he’d give up and let this go soon.

In the meantime, Plumeria knew she had some brainstorming to do. She didn’t want to keep Salazzle cooped up in her Ultra Ball, but something had to be done to prevent her from being such a terror when allowed to roam.

 

Two days later Guzma found Plumeria in the kitchen, stirring a brown, chocolate smelling liquid in a pot.

“What’cha makin’, Plumes?” He asked as he stood next to her.

“I found some chocolate that’s safe for Pokemon,” she answered. “I’m mixing in some berries that Salazzle likes as well. I thought if I could make something that tastes as good as your Tapu Cocoa that would at least eliminate one of her problems.”

“Yo, that’s a great idea!” Guzma genuinely hoped it would work. While his desire to do some terrible things to that Pokemon had died down he didn’t want to live in fear she’d be around somewhere stalking him whenever he wanted his favorite drink.

“I really hope she likes it.” Plumeria turned off the stove, reaching for a mug she bought that had various types of cold blooded Pokemon on it. “Isn’t this cute? And I got this for you.” She held up a brand need Spinarak mug for Guzma to see. It was the exact same as the one he’d destroyed.

Guzma smiled. “Thanks, Plumes. Hey… Where’s Salazzle? Why don’t I bring her this?”

“I think that would be a nice gesture,” Plumeria agreed, impressed and proud to see Guzma acting so mature by trying to make peace.

Salazzle was lounging on a sofa, her body stretched out and hogging the entire thing. She got up at once with a startled look on her face to see Guzma walk in.

“Here.” Guzma set the mug down on the floor and took a few steps back, crossing his arms. “You better like this. This is what you’re getting instead of MY Tapu Cocoa.”

Salazzle looked at Guzma quizzically for a moment before slithering off the couch and over to the mug. She eyed the liquid curiously before bringing her head down and flicking her tongue above it. After thinking to herself a moment she tried a little. She made a happy sound before she shoved her face into the mug, drinking it all up within seconds.

“Good?” Guzma asked.

The Salazzle seemed to be smiling as she looked up at him and nodded, trusting Guzma enough now not to worry when he crouched down to her level.

“Well guess what?” Guzma asked, Salazzle cocking her head to the side in response. “I spit in that before I gave it to you, you little shit.”

Salazzle recoiled and made a noise in disgust, sticking out her tongue and wiping it with her hand as Guzma laughed at her.

“How do you like it? Not so fun when…”

 

Plumeria jumped when the loud beeps of the smoke detectors went off; she was shocked that the batteries inside of them even worked. However, this mansion was large, so figuring out where the fire was might be… A realization suddenly hit her.

“…Oh no.”

Sure enough, when Plumeria reached the room where she’d left Salazzle, Guzma was sulking outside of it with his jacket noticeably absent, sitting down so a female Grunt could dab disinfectant on some cuts to his face.

Salazzle was close by, tears in her eyes, allowing another Grunt to help bandage up injuries done to her tail.

Inside the room were two Grunts with fire extinguishers and a few more with buckets of water just in case. A white mist was drifting out of the room now, and there was a burning smell, but it seemed the fire had been put out.

“Guzma…” Plumeria only got his name out, really not wanting to ask for the details, she feeling a massive migraine coming on.

“We’re even,” Guzma muttered. “…Almost…” He glared at Salazzle out of the corner of his eye.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at work during my breaks... And a little when I was supposed to be working too. Ooops.
> 
> I've never been able to let go how Salazzle reminds me of Joanna from Rescuers Down Under, inspiring this story. I now headcanon Plumeria's Salazzle as being a little menace.


End file.
